The Death Of Segree 💔

 I sometimes cry when I see the pictures, but I’m glad to have them so.

For they are a bitter reminder of what happens when it’s hard for anyone to just say “No.” 

Although I am proud to be courteous, empathetic, and sincere. 

It was just last January, that death tried to reveal itself, and take me away from here. 

I suffered a “diffuse axonal injury” (my brain had been twisted a bit in my skull).

I honestly can’t remember the last time my mind was that tranquil. 

The doctors tried to force me to stop and take it easy to allow myself a chance to heal.

But I was a bit stubborn, because I didn’t yet know how to give structure to my zeal. 

Yes, I was raised in ministry. I was taught how to be selfless and live Godly. 

I gained the knowledge needed to help others, but what I lacked were protecting boundaries. 

So those I held close always came to me with their requests;

I was altruistic yet naive, never really giving myself a chance to rest.

While looking back over my life this past year, I look at these pictures with sadness. 

Because I know others walked over me, and I see that some did it with gladness. 

Because in their request for help, they expressed the matter’s urgency.

I was too empathic to realize that to them, utilizing me was just a matter of expediency. 

My life is different now; I left rehab with a mindset anew. 

With Discretion as my compass, I am only close to a few.

And though the others still bring me their problems, I can definitely understand their plight, 

But it may be a while before they realize, that “Segree” was laid to rest that night. 

 

Being gracious with myself

I love how everything in life I must go through, leads me back to Him,

Even in the midst of my trials, His grace and mercy causes me to break out in melodious hymns. 

Now that I have “awakened”, I see that He alone is truly righteous, loving, and fair.

And in His desire to help me, He works out my every care. 

I’m aware now more than ever, how forgiving He is to me. 

But I see how, in contrast, others use fear to try to enslave me. 

And yet, with a heart free of malice, envy, and strife

I will show everyone the mindset that will carry me through the rest of my life…

It matters not the form of manipulation, 

Nor the lies against me, that harms my reputation. 

It matters not who may secretly envy me, 

And seem to support me while they spread false speculations. 

It matters not who thinks they’re better than me, 

Nor those who try to control me through intimidation. 

What matters is my heart! And how pure God has willed it to be.

It matters how I handle every trial,

(Waiting patiently for God to step in and make everything worthwhile). 

I have decided to live rightfully, being peaceable with all men.

For it has been 19 years since God called my name, and chose me to be His friend. 

I will walk humbly before Him, in submission to His will.

But boundaries must be made to protect myself against those that overtax me because of my skills. 

Yes I’ve been walked over, by some of the ones I’ve loved most. 

Because I was “green” & “naive”! I was altruistic to the utmost. 

I have learned how to be respectful, without taking on another’s responsibilities 

I understand that it’s okay to say “No” at times though I am known for my docility. 

Some may not like to hear that word from me, for I’ve simply said “Yes.” For so many years..

But I must protect myself from those, who disregard my limits and my tears. 

This feels so new to me, to actually think in this way…

To allow myself grace, self love ❤️, and peace of mind each day!